hi
i am doing much better today and apparently the more risk and more challenging the event the more my estrogen surges. I think that event helped me much like other stressful situation. i think this because i was so calm on Sunday and a calm i never experienced. i am thinking that because i have overcome so much that i am beginning to believe I no longer need to use my maladaptive dreams. is this true?
i hope so and I was to dentist today and my mind never stops processing information. during the tooth filling I told myself it will be ok Candie. that is the name i use to go by and it is very apparent that i began my process probably in 1997 when my ex wife departs our residence. also while i was having my tooth filled i used one nail to caress my leg to calm me down.
then immediately after the filling when i walked out of the doctor's office my estrogen hit me hard. i am beginning to think that the estrogen and new thought process will be an asset in thailand. however it was very apparent that i am more terrified of surgery then i thought because that minor filling of a tooth really hit home how much i am aware of in the moment.
i
envisioned a surgery putting me to sleep for my SRS and that terrified
me because i will be in a foreign country where their english is
understandable to a point. i miss the love and touch of the staff of
the portland VA and honestly that has made a difference in my life and
my well being and that will not be present in thailand. this is what
really scares me because i am more emotionally than i have ever been in
my life and it increases with the day as i heal mentally.i am doing much better today and apparently the more risk and more challenging the event the more my estrogen surges. I think that event helped me much like other stressful situation. i think this because i was so calm on Sunday and a calm i never experienced. i am thinking that because i have overcome so much that i am beginning to believe I no longer need to use my maladaptive dreams. is this true?
i hope so and I was to dentist today and my mind never stops processing information. during the tooth filling I told myself it will be ok Candie. that is the name i use to go by and it is very apparent that i began my process probably in 1997 when my ex wife departs our residence. also while i was having my tooth filled i used one nail to caress my leg to calm me down.
then immediately after the filling when i walked out of the doctor's office my estrogen hit me hard. i am beginning to think that the estrogen and new thought process will be an asset in thailand. however it was very apparent that i am more terrified of surgery then i thought because that minor filling of a tooth really hit home how much i am aware of in the moment.
i am seriously considering facial surgery after the events of the past few days and going back the last couple of yrs. i cannot take the emotional abuse by people for the rest of my life. i cannot escape totally but i can minimize the hostility to a point. i do realize that my shorter hair has made me a bigger target. now i am trying to understand if i want facial surgery for myself or to go stealth to so many. this is a difficult decision and a loving wife could probably talk me out of this but not srs. so maybe i am on the fence about facial surgery for now. but i look in the mirror and think i want a more feminine face but will the surgery made my face more feminine or a nightmare. ( i am very interested in the south Korean facial surgery that is the most invasive available but it is very new..
thank you
rachel
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