rachel threats are real and it scares me to death

hi

i came into fred meyers store ( supermarket) and this guy starred me
down at their wifi spot. then his friend came to the table and he said
," I will beat his f----- ass but he ...." so i went to the cashier
and she called a management team member. the mgmt team member  suggested me relocating to
another table and i said i should be able to sit where i want here. am
i scared ? omg yes

the management team member talked to the guy but he was very spiteful
of the manager etc. standing my ground is becoming a daily task. it
was not the pronoun he but simply this guy wanted to beat me up because of
who i am.

this is why so many have facial surgery and disappear into society. i
am strong but in all honesty portland is not as loving and
compassionate as people would lead you to believe.

my goal yesterday .... why should this be a goal... was to get home
off the train without someone harassing me or laughing at me.  today i
did not achieve that goal because people just refuse to leave me
alone. there was no provocation for this event but my mere existence.
this is reflected in some of society. i hate that i have to go through
all of this just to be me.

the fact is there is no safe space on this planet and there is only a
safer area. as a gay male told me once that portland is safer not safe.  i do
not feel safe in public and this is not the last time i will encounter
such hostility for the reason that i exist.

god come get me... how i feel at times and this is one reason why


thank you

rachel























i think over and over again because of incident like the last email
details that i wish at some level i could be sent to white city where
i would feel half way safe.  all i did at fred meyers was walk in and
start to sit down at a table. trust me when i say this reminds me of
the men in the marines.  but in the marines i had no one to run to and
if they would have ever thought for one sec i was rachel they would
have killed me. i told one marine friend in the marines they... she
interrupted me and said .... rachel they would have killed you.  this
marine was an MP during the same time i served.

no one can protect me and sooner or later I will be hit or raped or
killed. i know this but in my mind i have no idea why people have so
much anger.

rachel