more on political view and how i differ from other in the community

Hi

Wow things have come down to were I had hope they would not but I was painfully aware that others lack the character to stand with me against the true oppression created by the GLBT political action groups.  Whereas I have little to lose since I am not working at this time  and  I  live a funded apartment provided by the state of Oregon right now. I refuse to toe the party line that if we only had hormones and surgery we all would be happy. This is not the case and could not be further from the truth.  The depth of my pain which is paralleled to  many I talk to who go on Hormone replace therapy radically changes the brain and how you see the world to the point many stop hormone therapy.

This is also true of genetic women who start hormone replacement therapy and from a blog it is apparent that the age range of genetic women on hormones ranges from someone on their teens to the senior years.  So what I am trying to convey is gender does not matter when it comes to estrogen being used as a supplement to the human body.  The experiences are nearly identical and this probably is because that estradiol is an exact match for female estrogen molecule by molecule.  So that would explain in part why my experiences are so representative of genetic women but genetic women talk about hormones whereas the trans community does not even talk amongst themselves on the depth of their pain women do.  This is why couple along with the fact I have had more female relationships as friends then trans friends.  The open conversations I have had with women has help heal me.

But the point of this conversation is not about the hormone experience but how politics of the trans  community is effectively silencing the truth of the community.  The activist from Australia to Washington believe we all should walk and talk the same and promote that all will be ok if only surgery and hormones were approved more easily or at all.  The fact is when others start hormones they have no idea what they are getting themselves into as my mother would say.  Then we have the political activist in the proverbial bed with politicians who then change policy based on the activist whims which does little to help others. but it does help make it easier for the activist groups to raise monies for their specific organization all in the name of their special interest group. I am not a woman that will ever toe the party line and I take issue with the activist that continue to do what they need to ensure they raise more monies while making themselves look good in the public eye.

But then we have businesses and government leadership toeing the same line as the politicians so it look like to everyone on the outside that so much is getting done.  However it would be political suicide to say the trans activist do and behave in the manner I have described but someone in their ranks like me speaking out is unconscionable to the activist.  I have been belittled in public and one line because I believe that we need to look at each other as human beings. I have had such responses as “ are you suggesting we sit down with the cysgenders?” ( cysgender is the label some use to identify a genetic man or woman that lives as their birth gender) I personally detest the label and my response to this comment was , “ yes.” I was thrown out of a facebook group because the discussion was so heated and the next day the individual trans woman stated, “ there we always be someone to fight.” These are the types of people that are in bed with various political leaders, companies, and government agencies.

The time for me staying quiet has come to an end. I have talked to some in the trans community and on line and when I speak they all say, “ Rachel you need to talk.” I say, “ why not you?” sadly they say nothing or walk away from the conversation.  I think I represent the silent majority that have little say in what the public thinks who and what we are as a subculture. trust me what you hear activist say in the media is not me.

My political leanings are in the middle and to the right. Otherwise I am a fiscal conservative, social liberal who believes in a strong military and increased spending for our veterans who have served in wars where many of our brother and sisters paid the ultimate price of their life. A bleeding heart liberal I am not and in fact I despise the bleeding heart liberal that says poor me and we need more policies to protect our right by passing more laws to protect us. the fact is we have had laws on the books to protect African Americans and other minorities including women and the discrimination still is prevalent but it is more subtle now since the laws were past.

I have heard too many time behind enemy lines what some white males think of women and African Americans and it is not good. For instance I was working for a door to door book company and I was working my way into management when I was asked who do I think was a good candidate for the job of all the people we interviewed. I said the black guy was dressed the sharpest and I really like him as a candidate for the job. Without any hesitation the manager said, “ Don we don’t hire Niggers.” I shook my head in disbelief and this was 1988 in Altoona, PA.

I have also heard white collar men talk of what they think of working for a female manager. Some things I have heard is “ I will not work for a dyke bitch, give me five minutes to show her who is in charge, etc.”  this was the attitude of men in the marines and in the sales field where I worked most of my life.  I detested the comments and when I attempted to defend others I was label “ Nigger lover” or when I back the females men would say, “ what are you a bitch?”  I detest discrimination but equally directed at me or anyone else because it is wrong. You are basing your entire opinion of someone based only on their race, gender etc.

But equally important to me is the reverse discrimination I hear in the trans community directed at cysgender people and especially women.  This is my pet peeve of all pet peeves with the community. I have actually heard on many accounts “ I hate women.” Here is a personal example where I hear someone that identified as a trans woman say” I hate women.” 

I had just walked outside my work and a coworker pulled up her car and asked if I could talk to her because, the trans woman, was having thoughts of suicide. I said sure. So I got into the car and I said I will help you the best I can because I have gone through this too. then she said, “ I hate women.” I said why? At this point I did not know why but then she said, “ I hate women because they have a vagina and I don’t.” I immediately shut my emotions off because I was so upset that anyone would make such a statement. From this point on I tried to act as a therapist and go my way.  I told her I am sorry but all I could think of is all my friends are genetic women and so is my daughter and so you hate my friends because they have a vagina. This is not logical and I get it is ok to discriminate against others just as along it is not one of us. excuse while the marine steps in since I am so pissed off to say, “ fuck that.” Are you kidding me and sadly this is how some think the trans community. How many or what the percentage is I do not know.

So to recap it is ok to discriminate against other just as long as it is not you and above all we are not to talk to any outsiders of what the experience is like on hormones and surgery included.  Also the most striking theme is that even in the trans community who speaks of their nightmares and the challenges of hormones. so not a soul is speaking and lastly many activist refuse to be an education tool for the general population. To all of them I ask you a question if you want the general population to understand you how do you expect anyone to understand unless you talk. But more importantly if no one is talking about what it is really like and why surgery is necessary then how will the general public support as a whole surgery paid for by the government.

I do not perceive myself as a radical but simply a voice of reason where in the subculture lacks leadership, vision and the ability to trust others is lacking. This is my strength because of the marines but probably more importantly  I was trained by some of the best sales people in multiple product lines.  This sales training has help me effective communicate with people from different background from the people that happen to be homeless to executive directors. Also my deep belief in the zig ziglar sales system that each no is a step closer to a yes and his teachings that “ the goal is not as important as the person you become by reaching the goals.”  Ziglar has had more impact on me than anyone I never met and his methods work despite your product. I have sold aluminum siding, Kirby vacuums, cars and insurance and now I am selling me and my story and why it is important to others.

My prospective is different than others because of my ability to talk to people and by the time I was 20 yrs old I had traveled to 8 countries courtesy of the marines. After the marines I was educated at Penn State University where I met some people that were really school smart and others were business smart. For instance I had one professor in an international business class who had retired from Eastman Kodak after 31 yrs. Dr. Seyna had his 3 rules of think, plan and do. He talked about his experiences in the middle east and the customs of people in the middle east from real life interactions not a book.  Another professor that I was drawn to was my psychology professor who was a bit off to many but I spend many hours in his office just asking him questions. I also spend time talking to my French teachers who were from France in their office for hours. Diversity? One of my roommates was from Sweden and I became a honorary member of the Swedish club where I attempted to ski. My roommate thought it was easy but it was use to skiing in the French alps. I am simply drawn to people that are moving forward in their lives and in so many ways I have lived a blessed life.

If I had discriminated against people the experience of my life would limited prospective. Because I reached out to others outside my subculture in school, the marines, raising my daughter and beyond I have developed into a human being that see others as part of the human race. This prospective has given me the best chance to do something that others have never done before and that is share3 my experience on hormones. Then next year I will, in a worse case scenario, set up a skpe link for others to watch me before, during and after surgery.

 this is unheard of in the subculture and if I can point to why I am different it has to be the many perspective’s I have developed because of the diversity of the people around me all of my life. I am determined to open a door into a world that is so secret in some parts even I cannot get an invite. ( the doctor’s in Thailand have facebook groups and to join the group you have to have surgery schedule with that specific doctor, made a down payment on surgery, or have had surgery completed. Then you are assigned a identification number.) I am speechless on how secretive I have found this subculture to be and for me not to be able to access it info is wow.

By some I am sure I am viewed as a traitor giving up the secrets but if we are to ask people to understand us we need to share. That is a pragmatic difference between me and the other activist. Many , if not all, activist and groups want to educate the public but not me. I believe if I share my story I am helped many times over then the amount of info I share.

The illusion that the trans woman is the expert on her experience is luscious. How can I be a expert on my experience when I am in the middle of my living floor crying and thinking of taking a knife to cut off my penis. I cannot even think logically so how can I be an expert of that experience.  I can only tell others, to the best of my ability, what I thought in the moment when I was having an emotional melt down. How I was able to pull myself off the floor is a mystery. I think the drive to be me and my open story is what enables me to go forward with my life while viewing all of this as a group project. Where everyone has a voice and any prospective will help me learn about myself and become a more functional human being. this is my prospective on my experiences on hormones but surgery is a total mystery because no one and I mean no one talks about the emotional trauma of surgery. above all no one speaks even in quiet corners of how they were able to overcome the depression.  Why? I have not idea from my prospective .