hi

i have been active on a few facebook groups and I have copied and pasted some of my comments. the conversations i have had with others is very heated at times. I am more determined than ever to bring this to the forefront after a conversation with another woman that is unable to obtain hormones. she told me of how she tried to commit suicide on xmas eve with a rope however she was not successful because the rope was old and broke when she tried to commit suicide. do i know if this is a true story/. no but i am sure it happens and way too often since the suicide rate is higher in community than the general population. 

this is all sad but i can tell you despite time off from work my hormones are raging worse than ever. i think i am on the 5 yr plan when it comes to breast growth. i read research that states often that the breast will grow 2-5 yrs. some girls have issues with no growth and hair which is not a concern of mine since my breast growth has been more than above average . my hair is only on my face but it has lightened and less than before hormones.

may be too much has been too good for me and this would explain why the estrogen is so effective with my body. i am in the fight of my life and it is getting harder and harder. i thought the other night i was going to have another panic attack which i have not had in over one yr on hormones. 

below are some of my comments in open forums. i will blog again tomorrow.

thank you

rachel

Rachel Reid had them yrs ago and one was so bad in may 2012 ... mother had died then my aunt who was my window to my family.. all to much.. one attack i was blacking and in out... got out of apartment/flat and dialed 911 , emergency , and some how got through 911 ... now that scared the hell out of me ...... issue is they mirror heart attacks and in time if you cannot bring them under control .....could have dangerous consequences .... with your heart etc.... have not had any since may 12 but this past week ... very close i could feel it coming up and nearly .... i was so scared i put my cell near my head when i went to sleep and pre dialed 911 ... this journey is ... no word to describe it .... lucky to survive

Rachel Reid i seem to be more comfortable with women ....not because of gender ... just because we have more in common and talk about much more than gender...it depresses me talking about gender non stop... very emotionally draining.. moving forward is my goal and my female friends are mentoring  a.... plus we do what all women.......bitching a lot .....crying on their shoulders..... just living life beyond gender... key in my healing.... people say you are a mover and shaker... that is because of the strength of the women around me.... and they are mover and shakers but more important we are women of character and integrity.....my goal is to be a healthy, happy and sexy woman and live in the country with the love of my life ..... it just gets under my skin when others want to label me because of some definition determined by more than likely politics ..... i just want to be a woman that was known for her integrity , character and helped others...... when i started hormones i thought i want to be this vp of large corp and show the world a woman like me can do it all... in reality i just wanted respect and live my life on my own terms and have people accept me..... i also have learned that healing inside is the key and it is life time journey... with no end ..... i have learned so much in the last 2 yrs on hormones... not an easy trip but the friends, as i cry, i have made in the process i would not trade for any amount of money nor anyone... i know they will hold me up not enable ... and success is certain .... my issue is patience.... one friend told me who gets to define a woman ? rachel i am just doing my part and yet another said communicate... she used my own words against me lol..... i have been embraced in womanhood by women..... and learned the real leaders of society no one will ever hear about in the news... these are the women that are around me.... i think in all likelihood i am already on the other side of the fence a woman .. thus the surgery is secondary..... i need to be thankful for much in my life.... i am struggling and learning ..... and happier than i have ever been in my life ...... again i think the support system and friends is so much more important than surgery nor hormones...how much have i accomplished if i had surgery and no friends ? in my eyes I would be unhappy and more depressed than ever... i was there yrs ago , 3 yrs , lived in an apt/flat which i called a "cave" i knew i was sad and depressed but now i put my life in the hands of god each time i leave my apartment because i am a target because of being a woman and diff type of woman.... i am alive for the first time in my life....sad it took nearly 50 yrs for society to make it safe enough for me to show my heart to the world .

Rachel Reid no progesterone here.... 200 mg sprio and 4 mg estradiol pill per day.... has worked well for me with estradiol level of 95 and testosterone level .2 where normal range on this particular test is .1-.8 on this test; each test has their own normal range... the only other drug i take is vitamin D 5000 iu which i started at 1000 because the vitamin D interacted with estradiol and nearly knocked me on my ass at first... i gradually increased vitamin d up to 5000.... i have found the foods and drugs you mix with estradiol and other female enhancing drugs can interact .... again caution is best way to approach all of this