The studies do not lie estrogen has/ will keep my brain young AND MY PAIN AGAIN

The studies do not lie estrogen has/ will keep my brain young

Rachel Reid <rachel.reid.1959@gmail.com>

the key word is choroid plexus which effectively, according to the study, controls the immune system brain activity. this one part of the brain tells scientist,unless i am reading it wrong,your brain age. then article two demonstrates that HRT , my gift from god, alters the part of the brain that is your true brain age. 

the evidence is overwhelming at this point, no longer mounting, that the gyno doctor i spoke to said " if male or female estrogen affects the body the same" and i concur. the science studies are right on are accurate and despite others treating me like a man in dress the scientist evidence points to i am a female with certain bone structures that seem more male like. however in all fairness many big boned women are born with a vagina and there are a woman because , god i want to say something nasty , they have a vagina yet i don't. 

the fact is estrogen has put RA in check when the billion dollar drug Enbrel barely put a dent in the disease. also my brain is sharper than i have ever been in my life because of estrogen. the studies are so accurate yet so many as i cry treat me like man without saying it. the message is clear to so many in society " you are not woman enough" so we will marginalize you to the extreme in some cases.

it is like the both of you have said to me that so many in society , in so many words, are not ready for anyone like me. i hate writing this but it is the truth.  yet to the left we have people that want special treatment.

i was thinking last night i am safe to say what i want and need to say in a respectful way behind the thick walls of the .....but outside in the liberal world i would be painted as a mentally ill person and others would say , in the trans comm, they do not go through the process i have gone through. we all know that is a lie but the truth means others would have to take on demons they do not want to take on. 

i am happy to be with who i am in my life.

thank you

rachel 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/09/140929093856.htm?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+sciencedaily%2Fmind_brain%2Fpsychology+%28Psychology+News+--+ScienceDaily%29

his interface, known as the choroid plexus, is found in each of the brain's four ventricles, and it separates the blood from the cerebrospinal fluid. Schwartz: "The choroid plexus acts as a 'remote control' for the immune system to affect brain activity. Biochemical 'danger' signals released from the brain are sensed through this interface; in turn, blood-borne immune cells assist by communicating with the choroid plexus.This cross-talk is important for preserving cognitive abilities and promoting the generation of new brain cells."

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0304394004001892


Among the female AD patients, those without hysterectomy and with ERT had the highest ER α density

LEFT HAND FROM RIGHT HANDED; HOW DO YOU DO IT RACHEL?

i have this fire in me and i know what it is on printing? i am determined to be me and the drive probably was put into place by my grandmother as she said , " never let them change you."  so in my search to be i need to learn to print and write with my left hand. this makes me cry so much because omg ... but what i found out is based upon research that if you are left handed it is better to teach writing before printing.

also i was telling .... I found the exact patterns for writing so all i need was paper. she said let's see what the expert's say?  i said that would have to be a first or second grade teacher. then last i said to myself i don't have time to wait for voc rehab to do an intake, process a request, then find someone to teach me had to write with my left hand. i am on a short time table and with surgery pressing me i will teach myself before the paper work is in place to help me from an agency . this is not ....issue but it is my experience that there is no program in place for me anywhere and we are basically making our way through this maze.

.... asked me how do i do it?( take the beating from society and the obstacles i have to overcome on a daily basis)  not so easy to do but the answer is easy.  i learned this from ziglar years ago but to implement it in to my life was necessary and that is by sharing all of my story i am not carrying the entire cross. the cross, journey of hormones and surgery,  has killed and hurt everyone that tried to carry it by themselves. i am sane enough to know, which was not present in my past, that i cannot do this alone. so this space of emails that never quit and phone conversations etc gives me hope and more validation every min of my life. this in turn means me, rachel, is a very important part of a big project.

if i focus on what i am asking science to do i am dead!!  ( sexual reassignment surgery)

just thank you for helping me with this huge project that will help others

fight of flight, estrogen and the research goes on

pretty much the more i stay in fight or flight the more likely i will eat to relieve the stress and this in turn , if this is the right word, evokes the Neuroendrocrine cell to respond to the fight of flight. the importance of this cell is that it is The major center of neuroendocrine integration in the body is found in the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland   

which is altered or changed due to estrogen.

this is like a big puzzle but my life is at stake. i am praying to god that i am smart enough to learn to my friends and god as i try to piece this all together before surgery. 

so my exercise has done exactly what i have shared with the both of you and that is enhanced my experience on estrogen.  but the combination of my life experiences in the real world via my speeches, blog and my work at xerox has .... what word can really describe what has happened to me in 3 short yrs. god has to be guiding us all because ... there have been way too many accidents over the last 3 yrs.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroendocrine_cell

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/can-stress-cause-weight-gain

'Fight or flee' -- or chow down

While this system works fine when our stress comes in the form of physical danger -- when we really need to "fight or flee", and then replenish -- it doesn't serve the same purpose for today's garden-variety stressors.
"Often, our response to stress today is to sit and stew in our frustration and anger, without expending any of the calories or food stores that we would if we were physically fighting our way out of stress or danger," says Shawn Talbott, PhD, an associate professor in the Department of Nutrition at the University of Utah and author of The Cortisol Connection.

"Often, eating becomes the activity that relieves the stress"

In other words, since your neuro-endocrine system doesn't know you didn't fight or flee, it still responds to stress with the hormonal signal to replenish nutritional stores -- which may make you feel hungry.

advice and my method for muscle tone

i came upon this website and my thinking was higher reps and lighter wts are the way to go but this woman, who i would date lol, is saying heavy weights is the key to muscle tone.  the fact is i am sorry but i, rachel, cannot bench press press 50lbs without overwhelming pain.  the muscle mass simply that was there last year is non existent.

i think if you are willing to push the body to the limit and truly want a hard body it is possible. i remember hearing chuck norris was skinny and weak boy at one time. i also remember reading how so many women bodybuilders started out with average bodies. the key issue is what happens , actually talking to body builders, is that unless you keep lifting heavy the muscle you build up turns to fat. whereas it is my opinion that higher reps and lighter weights produce muscles that are build for endurance.

i cannot back off my experience and talking to bodybuilders and a neighbor that actually played in the USFL, pro football league, that told me how weights work. he went on to say that 8-10 reps with max of 12 is for building up bulk whereas over 12  reps is designed for toning and building endurance. thank you butch and that is why i am using light weights not to mention my muscle mass has been reduced to that of a woman. so my weight training is based on the principals of a woman that build for tone and endurance. i actually have taken a step further and i am working on reps of 30-40 for a set. i had reached that 2 yrs ago when i stopped working out but now i am back up to 20's per set. 

i just wanted to provide the link i found on line so maybe it might help you or other women. i think the info on dieting is right on in her website.

thank you

http://www.myomytv.com/blog/

really bad birthday.... and this caption for FB says it all

my daughter, thoughts of suicide from the past, and estrogen

Hi,

I was mortified and I did not know how to even approach what my daughter did the day before my birthday. I had texted her to call me when she had a chance and I had spoke with my uncle Dave. my daughter, previous to this, never calls me back until weeks later. I was thinking I will be shocked if she calls me for my birthday.

so when she called the day before my birthday all seems better in so many ways. we spoke of the past and i said i would have you as my daughter all over again. i was crying and she said she was too. but after about an hour on the phone she said she would like a pix of two sent to her. i asked for her address which she previously told me at college she did not have one. ( rachel is not so stupid) then she asked if i could take a picture of the picture since her mom had only 3 pix of her growing up. so i said i would do this.

then she blinded sided me with and said, " please have an open mind." first my daughter and i had not talked on the phone in over 4 yrs for this long of a period of time. plus she has not sent me a card or gift in the last 4 yrs. however in the past i have sent her birthday and holiday present via money. but once recently i told her i did not have the money and she said, " Fuck you" and hung up. I was deeply hurt but i have tolerated so much until now.

so she hit me with one article out of the millions on line about why I am the way i am. the article is based upon the premise that i am like a woman that looks in the mirror and see herself as fat when she is very thin. so to summarize the research article i look in the mirror and see a girl when in reality i am a boy. so all of my issues about my gender are a distorted imagine of myself and it is all a mental illness.

this is when the other day i basically tore into my daughter and educated her about the female brain and the similarities i have to any other woman. i was livid and crying that she picked the day before my 55th birthday to challenge me and educate from the prospective of my ex wife, my ex friend nicole and herself. of all the days of my life why?

i was barely hanging on before this happened but the talk with the both of you really helped that week. but over the week it ate at me and ate at me and yes suicide was on my mind. but for some reason last night, although i truly wanted to commit suicide to be direct, i could not even formulate a plan. apparently i have gone through many thoughts of suicide as a child and i promised my grandmother that I would not do it. i remember vividly how i wanted to go with my grandmother if she died and she said that she wanted me to stay with my brother, sister and mother. i said they will not miss me. my grandmother said, " yes but your uncle Dave, Alice, scotty and Davey and your other uncle and aunts etc will miss you.

she said, " Donnie promise me you will not ..." I promised because my grandmother said that would make her cry. i did not want my grandmother to cry so i promised to not commit suicide. apparently i had planned or thought of jumping off of chimney rocks, a old look out a few miles from us, and my mother or something happened. my grandmother talked to me and i remembered it all last night, by accident, when i was in a very dark space.

i will be honest i took a knife in my hand and tried to push it in my stomach and i could not. then i remember how that is exactly what i had tried to do when i was a teen. this is when my grandmother was told by my mother what she had saw me trying to do. then after i talked to my grandmother i promised her i would never kill myself. so to this day i cannot do it no matter what because of a promise nearly 45 yrs ago. plus i have a couple friends here that would miss me and i would not want to hurt them and see one tear hit their pillows.

so this morning after i was pushed by my daughter like never before while my hormones were raging dealt with what happened this past week. below is the txt

Rachel

hi i get it u mom n nicole see me as a mentally ill man that wears a dress .. but to pick my 55th bday to confront-help made it the worst bday of my life

Nicole(my daughter)

but it does not mean i do not love you. remember that. i might not believe in it but you do so it is what it is

Rachel

i love you... it is not a choice... is there not a chance that god made me this way for a reason..no more of choice then ur friends that are gay or lesbian ( she has had 2 gays men friends for yrs)

Rachel

grandma knew everything and helped with me make up n put on my first bra and dress.. she accepted me.. but my mother and MJ tried to have me locked up at 7

Rachel

i do not understand your prospective but maybe talk to a neutral party.... like ur prof who is female to male trans

Rachel

knowing everything grandma knew she drilled into my head don't let them change you n you have to leave here to be u.... i told her all of my secrets

Nicole did not respond to my text nor call me. i was prepared for my ex wife, nicole or my friend nicole to call me. i was so hurting so bad i could not cry. it was honestly the worst birthday of my life. how could she pick the day before my birthday to .. omg.

know that the phone conversations with the  of you, that cookie with the note and a small cake from the apt complex women probably saved my life. i was so devastated and hurt i could not cry and i refused to really tell Gina the depth of my pain because i am not sure i can trust her yet.

and this morning after i sent the text i had another flashback of how my father thew me up against the wall. then my mother said," how far are you going to push this?" this being acting out/different ( code words for being feminine)? I said, " to stop me dad is going to have to kill me." my mother said you are just like your father. I said no mother, " you know all of this is wrong and i do not hit anyone in this house. you and dad hit me and slap me but i never see you let dad hit mark like this? she said mark behaves and does not act out ( different). my mother used my father to beat the feminine side/woman out of me and i had to be prepared to literally risk my life from the age of 7 yrs old. so by the age of 12-13 i was getting beat and thrown against the wall because not that i was violent, i never hit anyone in anger, but it was all because i was feminine.

then i remember back in the marines when a marine threatened to beat my ass along with this friend who were dealing drugs. so i had my friends, yes some sold drugs but they knew i would not tell the gunny anything, and i had Dominez and Montoya talk to them. then i had to go to the
Gunny and he told Fred, PA all state heavy wt wrestling champion, Big Al, also all state heavy weight wrestler, and this guy from AK that was big as a damn door talk to the men that wanted to beat my ass.

the threats keep coming so the Gunny had Fred escorting me to the shower and still the threats came every day. then one day one guy said you might be safe here but you better watch your ass off base outside the gate we will be waiting for you. i was terrified and i went to the gunny. the gunny made a rare move and some how had a radio operator transferred to a infantry / grunt unit. but as they guy was packing he came at me but Dominez and the other guys said this is not going to happen. i was well protected in the Marines but thank god this was the only one that was physical.

the guys liked me and there were some really big and tough guys in our unit. they also protected one guy in a grunt unit once when steve , 6'2" black belt in Tae Kwon do, grab a grunt who was beating on one of our guys by the throat and threw him up against a storage box. this was comm platoon. i might have been able to bench 245 lbs but i hate and do not know how to fight but to kick you.

maybe you can see how the marines really operates. there were not charges ever filed in either case but everything was handles in house. the marines have their own rules and it really is a gang and a gang within a gang in the platoon. with me i was friends with Steve, Fred and everyone but this assholes. so i had over half of the platoon watching my back as i moved between them and the gunny.

all i have done is fight wars and today was another one with my daughter and ex wife etc. i asked god to help me and help me not fight any more wars but it does not look like that will happen. i know god sees what happens to me and he is not happy with so many people. my ex wife has so much pull over my daughter and what happen today was so wrong and as i cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy breaks my heart. but i cannot do this before or after surgery because it would destroy me or i might commit suicide.

i know that there is not another MA , Lisa or Rachel and we were all brought together to do something so good. i understand why i had to do all i have in the past but i have not had the life i deserved. for instance yesterday the ladies at the apt spoke of a baby shower and i said i have never been to one. they said nothing so i feel so hurt that i am not good enough for you. i am not woman enough ????? why?????

so i have missed out on baby showers, bridal showers, proms, etc so all the experiences i should have had will never be just like me i will never be so what stick around? i really don't know why? i do not want surgery .. but i do .... to have surgery to just have a vagina? no way.

now i find out that there is a possible surgery for me to transparent a uterus? i was born in the wrong decade and i deserved to have had a loving wife and daughter and the ability to have kids like any other woman. i have come up with nothing in my life. so now at 55 yrs old i am trying to put my life together by utilizing a program for people over 55 yrs old.

i mean was it asking to much of god that i could not have a girls bike or ..... i got nothing until i was in my 50's. i gave and gave and i do not want to give one more thing. my life was stolen because, excuse me, have a dick. the depression today is more than you can imagine and the pushing of my daughter and my push back gave me a rush of estrogen like never before. i swear to god no one knows what this drug does to the human body.

i have made the decision to not stop estrogen before surgery as you know because why? i have to be my own doctor because there is not data but plenty of doctors pretending to know what is right for srs. none of them know and even the ones with srs experience including bowers. so in my 50's i am a lab rat and at times i wish the VA would just lock me up in white city then i fight back just like i have since i was 7 yrs old.

the doctors do not understand that drug surges somehow when the body in in fear or threatened in any way. every time i have been sick or threatened in any way after i overcome the event or during the event i can feel the estrogen surge so much i nearly pass out. no one and i mean no one knows the power of estrogen.

now back to my daughter? it is apparent that she has made a decision and so i have now. sadly

thank you

rachel

NIH article on estrogen and exercising and my comments

In addition, the use of the animal model has provided physiological and molecular evidence that exercise training provides estrogens-like protective effects on liver fat accumulation and its consequences.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3154523/

the NIH article is leading me ... you know me i want to know why..... to believe that the exercising with the timing of my estrogen intake coupled with the grape juice which has been proven to double or triple your estrogen has exponentially increased the effects of estrogen on me during exercising? what if the exercising with my estrogen intake has altered my experience on hormones? 

the flashbacks and intensity of the need to ..... how do i say this... to do what women do in private... has increased in the middle of working out.  i am shocked that my liver can handle all of this along with the Enbrel.  someone is watching out for me.

i thought i would share the article

thank you

the hell and what keeps from the grips of suicide

hi

this may be the shortest email i ever write but the love of my grandmother, the both of you, .....really defused the anger so many see in the community. in my mind i want to get anger and mad and push people away but my grandmother and the both of you showed me people love me as me.

the random acts of love and god pulled me from a hell i think of every day but i am not in hell anymore. i feel very confident that the women around me and god will guide me through surgery and beyond. but in the moment when i am thinking of suicide the love of god, my grandmother and the both of you pulls me back. this love as i cry gives me so much strength to fight the depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide and the faith in me that i can do it pulls me out of the depression and thoughts of suicide.

i cannot do this alone! i tried for decades but there is no way anyone can go through what i have and live to tell about it who has not attempted suicide. the love of women of god guided me back home.

thank you and god bless

ps this is an email to two dear friends but there are a few more women that watch over me while i go through this hell