The real story and my support for the VA healthcare system

http://www.onlineopinion.com.au/view.asp?article=12966

This article is 100 % true and I can tell you since I am transsexual woman and in the process of planning for sexual reassignment in February 2014.  I take issue with the transgendered community and this wall of silence to talk to no one aside our community.  I will not be party nor condone this kind of behavior because it leads to further depression and anxiety brought on my hormone replacement therapy.  That is right I am saying the hormone treatment causes more anxiety and depression if not confronted head on.  I am not an expert but can speak on my experience since I have been on hormone replace therapy for 17 mos now. 

I am in the fight of my life and many within the Va community are people who my strongest ally.  The dirty secret of the transgendered community is no one talks to anyone outside the community.  I broke ranks with this line of thinking when I spoke at the regional va conference last February.  Why? Because it was right thing to do and looking back it helped me cope with the death of my mother. I spoke from my heart on my experience on hormone replacement therapy.

 Last year I had the opportunity to speak to at least 150 doctors, staff, and other members of the VA community.  When I speak publicly it compels me to be at my very best and process what I am going through on hormones at an accelerated rate.  I healed 20 years in the last year because of my leadership position within the VA community and this is a fact.

This also is not a game because I am in the fight of my life.  Anyone that thinks otherwise is just kidding themselves.  The life as you have known it will not change forever and you may not know who is in the mirror.  One woman told me , “ Rachel it is not the fact that you changed but how fast you have changed.”

 Talking about his issue in my private life with other men and women is my gift which has enabled me to not only succeed but to speak about it in public.  Not talking about it would create so much depression and anxiety I can see where suicide would become an option.  The suicide rate within the transgender community is estimated to be between 30-50 percent and I will not be one.  I am one stubborn woman and as my mother said many times, “Donald you have thick head.”        

 Your darkest demons arise from your past and present because the hormones increase the length and width of axions in the brain.  This increase in size of the axion and the change to the gray matter of the brain rapidly increases your memory to the point there is nothing you can hide from no matter if it is in the distant or recent past. This information is backed by scientific research. 

To hold all the memories inside that come up on estrogen will result in one thing …. The worst depression of your life and you will feel like you have no options and no one cares and no one loves you.  You will ask yourself  “ what is there to live for?”  For me I have dozens of men and women pulling for me which makes a profound difference in my life. Your support system is the most critical part of this process which will last a life time.  This is my opinion and I also believe that one must understand that sexual reassignment surgery is part of a lifetime of personal growth. Not the final solution to a disease which has build up for decades in some cases. Let’s get real and stop pretending? Want to pretend you will lose I can assure of that.  The fight with this disease makes marine bootcamp seem like a weekend vacation. 

So many from Xerox, va health care system, and Portland community college and two very special friends have ensured that the path of suicide will not become an option for me.  Despite all the support I have I barely hang on by a thread some days.  I am challenged to the point I nearly break but I refuse to quit and push through that moment knowing there is a big light at the end of tunnel.  This is also part of the marine mentality.  We are as tough as they come and to stop us you will have to kills us.  This is called commitment and one must have 110 percent of this to survive the day.  Anything less will mean defeat and possibly worse.    

I can say without a doubt that since my support comes from only professional men and women in society my experience has been “profoundly “altered.  so much of support comes  from the VA community which includes some people in senior leadership positions.  The outreach from the Portland Va has been overwhelming and much needed in the most vulnerable time in my life. 

So much bad news press is in the public eye of what the Va has done wrong. I find it horrible that no one would print a good story of how they have treated me with the utmost respect and given me care above and beyond what the private sector would ever consider.  FYI one day I called the women’s clinic that I was not feeling well and the next day they called me to make sure I was doing better. Where do you find that in the private sector?

Let’s get really personal about my experience at the Portland Va and my primary care doctor.  This conversation happened two weeks ago.  I asked her since the Va is now required, per their new policy, to repair any sexual reassignment surgery complications what is the “emergency action plan if I have issues when I come back from Thailand?” I know that the vaginal wall can collapse??  The doctor responded and said the she felt confident that the gyno team at Portland would be able to repair a vaginal wall collapse.  We got even personal about the sexual reassignment surgery and she kept talking about the depth of the vagina.  I got the message but I was slightly irritated about the conversation since I am a lesbian and I don’t care how deep my vagina will be after the surgery.  So, if you know me you would understand,  I said, “ …. No penis is going in this vagina.”(while pointing to my crotch area)  To this remark we both laughed and the doctor said , “ ok ms reid.”

I count the Portland VA and leadership as a major ally against a disease that no one person could take on.  To become success in my journey and come out on the outside and be strong enough to talk about my experience on hormones and the sexual reassignment it is going to take a community.  It will take 100’s of men and women to ensure I make the right decision on the surgery and go through the procedure when I am prepared mentally.  This is the only holy grail that you must be mentally healed before the surgery not after the surgery.    

One transgendered before her surgery said , “ it is either surgery or suicide.”  She is so wrong and does not understand this is 99 percent mental and 1 percent physical.  Again my ability to think in the middle of crisis , accept help from others and trust their perceptive is so important.  As one friend said , who is a psychologist, told me one day that refusing to hear more than one perspective  is the beginning of mental illness.  I agree whole heartedly on this statement. 

(This mindset or therapy seems cold hearted but this disease is equally cold and unforgiving.  This journey is not for the weak who think I would like to try hormone therapy replacement and let’s see if it for me.  My advice is turn back now and once you are prepared to commit 100 percent to the process come back and start hormone therapy.)

So if you surround yourself with people of one mindset you have only one perspective.  As my mother would say, “ birds of feather flock together.”  This is very dangerous to do when you are considering sexual reassignment surgery.  You need to think outside the box because so little research is done on sexual reassignment and the transgendered community is very hush hush.  The only rational solution when it comes to designing a support group is to ensure it is a very diverse group.

My very life depends on my ability to listen to other people’s prospective and follow through on what is in my best interest. This is the only way I will be successful in my journey and surgery.  Then I will be able to speak in public of how I accomplished something that no one else seems to be willing to talk about in public.

Question:  Out of the 10,000 sexual reassignment surgeries performed why does not one transsexual talk about that the journey in public?  The real truth not the sugarcoated bs everyone hears online. 

I have been depressed in the past but due to the depth a of my support network it only last a few minutes at the most.   I am the so blessed to have so many that care so much about me.  Even when it was not politically correct to stand by my side those very women have been my rock.  These women are the main reason I have survived the horror of this awful disease, gender identity disorder.  The other side of the equation is my refusal to quit.  I also welcome the additional pressure to be a success case and that drives my engine. I thrive in a time of crisis and I am at my best. Who knew? Not me. 

In my support group are women that have given me hope.  The phone conversations and emails contain the message you can do it and welcome to womanhood. 

“hang in there Rachel” 

 “ know that I think about you often”

“I admire you”

“it is an honor to work with you”