(this email was to two special friends who I have been with me doing my journey on estrogen and they both have made a profound difference in my life.........actually profound is not a strong enough word nor is there a word in the english language to describe my heart felt thanks for them. they have helped me make it through this hell that no one can imagine unless you have gone through it. )
It take a community to get through this journey.
hi ,
I am at a loss for words at this point. I know that is hard to believe
. no laughing lol. but I have been researching surgery the last couple
of weeks. there is really no information on any surgeon's track record
on sexual reassignment surgeries completed nor what the satisfaction rate is
in either thailand or the usa. What I have discovered is very
unnerving and scary to me. I feel like I am in between a rock and
hard place with no options.
if my info is correct the surgery in the usa might be safer but the
outcomes are not recorded nor satisfaction of their customers. No
where on the net does one site have testimonials of one good surgery
with the permission of anyone. It does not exist. The top surgeon is
probably dr . marci bowers and she claims to have done 2000 surgeries.
She has included breast implants and anything do with with
transition to the female gender lumped in with sexual reassignment.
she has her supporters in blogs and detractors.
the former navy veteran who does the surgery in pa has about the same
track record as dr. bowers but only has performed surgeries since
2008, not good. Her experience is limited and one girl claims the dr
nicked her bladder doing the surgery. Also, another girl claims her
followup care with this doctor was terminated after 3 mos without due
cause.
In thailand virtually the same situation exist where there are far
more doctors but no data on customer satisfaction are available for the reason of
privacy. I have requested and been denied one reference because of
privacy. All the doctors in thailand have their supporters and horror
stories.
I have found that the pioneers in this field in thailand have retired
or only do very limited surgery at this time. So the students they
trained are now doing most of the surgeries. The very cheapest start
at 6500 and go up to 18k. The 18k is for the top doctor in thailand and does limited surgery at this
time and was one of the pioneers in sexual reassignment in thailand.
so basically with travel cost and surgery I would be looking at 8-14k.
There are two well known places one in pucket thailand and one in
bangkok which seem to be well respected both go about 12k plus travel
and etc(due to my last job I know pucket area well and the crime rate
and unsolved murders is unnerving so there is a safety concern)
I also learned that either in the usa or thailand one would be
required to stay in the location for 2 weeks after surgery before
traveling via plane. I believe the surgery is much more invasive then
I thought it was would be or may be it was only what i wanted to believe it
would encompass. Also there are two basic types of sexual
reassignment one is called the penile inversion and another which , to
be blunt, gives the vagina more depth via a piece of the colon.
the colon method would include more risk and has been known to
produce an unusual odor with some women after surgery. I have no
desire for the colon method and would opt ,if i did, the penile
inversion method of sexual reassignment.
What is criminal is that some of the doctors are using the proverbial
carrot of promising multi organism on their websites. I find this
very cruel since sometimes it is possible to lose all ability to
organism at all. ( the source of this info was on bbc news article I
saw a few yrs back) I think it is quite possible that the positive
outcomes of the surgery is over stated.
I went further with my research and looked at rio , brazil. They have
only done 250 sexual reassignment surgeries in the last 12 yrs.
according to one website in thailand they claim to have done nearly 5k
in the since the clinic opened. but not one website has one woman
saying I had great surgery. nothing like this exist that I could find.
The best resource I have for reference may be my an acquaintance
l. she said her relative was going to thailand to get the surgery
after xmas. she is reaching out to her to see who the surgeon was and
what the outcome was after the surgery.
This is insanity navigating this mine field with no accurate or
supportive data to base a decision to get the surgery or not and who
has the best the chance of making it a success. it is my strongly
held belief that once I started to take the estrogen I put in to
action, without any thought , that my emotional need to have surgery
would be so strong. There is no turning back but what to do ? i have
no idea and I feel so lost ... not a good place to be....... I don't
think the doctors are aware of what they put in play once they rx
estrogen. I think this would explain the cutting and suicide increase
despite being placed on hormones. I virtually had no thoughts of
suicide however in the last few months , although it last only short
time, it is often enough to get my attention. ( fyi my dr and
therapist are aware of this and in the loop every step of the way.)
this was never the case until about month ... 15....
I think the depression becomes worse because of the need for the
surgery increasing 10 fold. I have never read anything like this in
any documentation. many say well rachel that is your experience? i
say well who else is telling the real story. i think my real gift is I
refuse to sugarcoat nor hide it from my doctors or therapist. I tell
my story as much as I can and this , in my opinion, is like doing
therapy up to several times a day, some days. This is exhaustive but
keeps me balanced and why i am able to look at the crisis situation that it is
in a rational manner .
If I was giving an ultimatum it is now or never to get the surgery
done today? my response would be .... honestly I think I would
pass...... it would break my heart, like the last few weeks, but I
cannot say with any certainty outside there is 50/50 chance my surgery
would be a success. I don't like those odds.
(removed a private situation about a teacher at pcc)
I don't know how others hold all this emotion in and... may be that it
in a nutshell they don't talk and they implode or explode . sorry
that is not my way. I have not found another rachel nor has anyone
i have talked to in my travel... i hear this more often than
anything....
" i never met anyone like you."
as usual thank you for listening to my story,
god bless
Rachel
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