the experts have no clue... the studies are flawed ........ this is a mental process and the science is there to back up our brains are female .... deal with it
this is the problem the so call experts think they know it all!! like my mother would say you don't know everything!!! but they are feel to distort the truth to their political advantage .... sad and hurtful
http://www.wsj.com/articles/paul-mchugh-transgender-surgery-isnt-the-solution-1402615120
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Monday, April 27, 2015
Renne Richards and her impact on me with ABC videos
strangely
Renee graduated from medical school the year i was born. but in 1976 i
remember asking my mother as we stood in the livingroom what do you think of
her ? and she said you mean him? we just starred at each other. what i
really meant was what you think of me ???
Renee's boldness
to take on society and identify as a woman to this day is what probably
as i cry gave me faith and hope. she was a woman of character, educated
and dared to challenge society. she also wanted treated like a woman
and feared, what i fear, being label a freak. she is so much of what i
am today and what i thought at the age of 16-17 y o. she talks in this espn/abc news documentary very openly about not making it in the love area where she thought she loved so much more before surgery. she also said that she tried couples, men and mix of men and women, and just never happened in her life. I was crying all though this because she is exactly like me in so many ways. she has decided to just live with a female friend with no intimacy nor sexual contact. this cannot be me as i cry.... i need to know what it feels like to be a woman with a woman... this is not fun but she helped me in so many ways by telling the true story... now it is my turn..... i cannot stop what god started so long ago .. this is my opinion. i had no idea and this was played on tv at 2 pm on saturday here.
also she regrets that she left her son , now a 38 y o drug addicted, at the age of 4 y o. her son makes her feel guilty and over the yrs she has given him so much guilt money. her son refers to her as he all the time. i learned that i do not regret anything now because of her story about her son, about my daughter. i gave my daughter 18 years of my life and offered my love and she rejected me as a person and a woman. i was her mother who took her to the doctors and fought the battles with her other mother and did all i could for her in school and with her friends. i honestly now regret nothing just like my mother . i tried with my mother to the point my gram said why do you still try ? i said because when she is gone i know i did all i could to love my mom.. fact is my mother did not love me.... so hard to say that and write it.
the telling story of renee is that billie jean king said , " i am uneducated so please help me understand" to a experienced doctor in hormones. Billie jean King and several others including her friend who owned the tennis tournament did not back down to public pressure. her friend of 15 yrs said she deserves to play tennis and 25/30 dropped out of the tournament. comments in the film like it is like putting head lights on a trash can it is still a trash can. nothing really had changed in my mind except there are more of us but still it happens too far often that we are freaks of society. yet so few will give us a chance.
i see the .... and ... are my billie jean kings .... our lives are so paralleled that it is scary. she refused to back down and i do too. but she today is not happy and that is something i want more than anything is happiness. i think the stress of the high profile case did not give her the time to heal before surgery and i hope that i can heal before surgery and have a good lifew as i cry with a good wife.
my daughter will have to do what she will... i cannot control that outcome .... i did everything in my power to raise her and my gram helped. ....
i am good person as i cry ... woman.... i have incredible good heart and people just target me and the renee's for no reason but ...... it is permitted in society with no consequences. this is a major problem.
below are the 7 videos not the best quality but it is the complete renne richards film ..... i am glad she is open about all she is in this film
thank you
rachel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
death from FFS ( facial feminization surgery) post on facebook... damn scary
i thinking of me and my srs ...... yes i am scared ....
Complications from FFS surgery cause death
In a personal report just in, Dr. Bart Van de Ven has just acknowledged that a patient he was performing a relatively minor procedure had passed away as a result of a Pneumothorax and Cardiac Arrest 12 days ago in Antwerp University Hospital.
This had happened as a tube was being withdrawn after a Nose and Chin corrective surgery. The patient had been under a General Anaesthesia.
This comes as a very sober reminder of the great risks that we sometimes take in these procedures. The Doctor took all due care with her surgery and had performed all the necessary pre surgical testing. Weak spots in her Pleurae, an extremely rare condition, was stated by Dr. Van de Ven, as the cause of this fatal reaction.
We are extremely saddened by this announcement and wish to pass onto the patients family all of our support and heartfelt condolences in this tragic time. We are all the poorer when one of our sisters is taken from us in this way. I commend the doctor for making this announcement on his website and a Facebook message to his group.
In a personal report just in, Dr. Bart Van de Ven has just acknowledged that a patient he was performing a relatively minor procedure had passed away as a result of a Pneumothorax and Cardiac Arrest 12 days ago in Antwerp University Hospital.
This had happened as a tube was being withdrawn after a Nose and Chin corrective surgery. The patient had been under a General Anaesthesia.
This comes as a very sober reminder of the great risks that we sometimes take in these procedures. The Doctor took all due care with her surgery and had performed all the necessary pre surgical testing. Weak spots in her Pleurae, an extremely rare condition, was stated by Dr. Van de Ven, as the cause of this fatal reaction.
We are extremely saddened by this announcement and wish to pass onto the patients family all of our support and heartfelt condolences in this tragic time. We are all the poorer when one of our sisters is taken from us in this way. I commend the doctor for making this announcement on his website and a Facebook message to his group.
Monday, April 20, 2015
trans comm move to multistall bathrooms, assaults in bathroom ... all big mistake
as my former friend the retired ...
police officer would say.... means, motive and opportunity.....
multistall bathrooms increases the opportunity and i am not the only one
that is against this issue.
.....one secure stall is great
progress but multistalls is dangerous for us. the stats are there and
most troubling in my research is so much is in our elementary, HS and
colleges. i fought my way out of looking for a secluded bathroom to change into feminine attire and now it looks like i will either hide again or lock and load for my protection. i will not run again !!!!!!!! never!!!!!!!!!!!
and just today this guy made a sexual comment to me on the train and i blushed it off while he was next to his gf and as he got up to leave the train and he lightly brushed my upper arm said, " have a good day baby!" this guy will be in a multistall bathroom with plenty of other women just like the three men that assaulted a homeless person this past saturday which i reported to 911.
this is huge mistake..... the trans community has categorically decided to go the multistall route and many of us are not on board but the sexual predators that slip into the women's bathroom will no longer have to sneak in the bathroom b/;c they will already be there!!!!!!!!! then the trans community will cry and it will be too late to unring the bell
nearly 1 in 5 undergraduate women experience sexual assault or attempted sexual assault while in college.1 Yet the vast majority of these crimes go unreported. Only 13% of forcible rape survivors, and 2% of incapacitated sexual assault survivors, report the crime to campus security or law enforcement.2 When women do come forward, they are often further penalized by their college’s administrative system. Students report that college officials respond dismissively to claims of sexual assault and fail to address the situation adequately to ensure the safety of the survivor and the school community.3
http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/
http://latimesblogs.latimes.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
http://www.columbiatribune.
http://www.syracuse.com/news/
http://www.nbcbayarea.com/
Friday, April 17, 2015
the trans comm agenda; short sighted based on bad info ; urge to trans to talk to doctors and doctors to trans comm
"Most professional ethics codes require providers to be culturally competent."
Who
will determine and define who is able to and certified to train for
this competency? it is my personal opinion that the info used to help
train people is worthless when every provider has started with " you are
the expert on your experience." i know this is promoted by HRC and the
trans comm but that is based upon bad intel. http://lgbtweekly.com/2015/04/
Sunday, April 12, 2015
my demons from long ago and how estrogen recovers so much of your past but why?
here is how estrogen has affected me and made me confront so many demons...... remember my past ? then some
email edited to my very close friends in my darkest hours ...
My demons from the days of Iran are far deeper than I thought and how we
left thousands of POW in Vietnam.
I could not do anything about Vietnam
since I was so young but Iran
is another story. The marine , me included, call President Reagan and Carter what
they were …… ( sorry cannot write that to you but it is a marine thing and
basically said they were cowards ) but for the blog i can say " a bunch pussy ass mother fuckers )
so while outside Iran Our ship , for 10
days, during the hostage crisis, and one day our ship was going very, very fast which was unusual. The fact
I learned from my friend is we had to triangulate where the hell we were
because we practically landed on Iranian soil and no one knew about it. The
navigator got our ship lost. I sure there was hell to pay for that but the fact
is we could have gone in Iran and no one would have known for quite some time.
Another issue revealed by a fellow marine was the reason
the helicopter went down on a prior rescue mission was not what was in the news according to my friend in
avionics who worked on helicopters. He told me that friend of his told him what
happened with the downed helo in Iran
was sand went into the intake and the helo went down. ( our attitude and phrase for this situation
was lets make this country into a parking lot)
I can see our ship pulling
away from Iran
and knowing what I know and reading what I did because of my job …. We did
nothing yet we trained for one year for hostage rescue. We probably were the
best trained in the marines at the time because our executive officer thought
he was chester puller and trained us until we dropped over from exhaustion. the major
pushed so hard that one guy actually died in Hawaii during a run from heat
exhaustion.
Then at college I had a Iran
national tell me “ we are not against you but against your govt.” my friend.... said I looked at this guy like I was going to kill him. But I could not
touch or say anything that would provoke this ass who was in our country. In
fact he and others at Penn state , ..... when I was attending the
university, said we are here to get educated and take your technology back to
our country. So I have a definite view
of what we should have done in Iran
in 1979 and of that govt today who has a public display and celebration of the American hostages. ( i feel the same pain i felt on this issue yrs ago just like what is between my legs.... the feeling are so read and deep b/c of how estrogen works with my brain)
We could have done something so many times
and we played it safe and Carter did nothing then Reagan sold arms for hostage
then looked the other way when 288 marines were killed in Lebanon. Yet
through all of this congress says I did not serve during a combat time so I am
not eligible for something called a non service connected disability. Every
other veteran is eligible for this compensation when needed. You know me I would not file for disability but we
deserve it and all the men that would killed on special ops during those years,
288 marines ….. this is total disrespect for our service during a time when
enough paid with their lives. Politics…. Why I cannot stand people without the
code of character, courage and commitment.( more a marine than i ever thought)
I really want to go back and
fix and fight like I was trained just like my friend in PA who was a sniper
team leader for force recon ( most elite of the elite of the marines in the
day). My friend .... wants to do one
last mission but why? Maybe because in both cases there was and is unfinished
business in our minds. For me it does
even deeper.
I am searching for why ? then
I saw a picture of women marines and the fact is I sugarcoated so much how i envied women but I did not hate the women marines. But why could I not dress in a woman
marine’s uniform. I thought it was too risky but knowing me I would risk death
to live my life back then even like now. I would rather have died in a woman’s
uniform then pretend and pretend. ( I
know marines would have raped and killed me but I am telling you that if I was on
hormones and the option was there I risk it all )
Everything gets back to my
past for me. then earlier today I was crying so bad I was shaking in my bed. I
cannot masturbate ever again. Nothing matters to me unless I have
surgery. I am locked in mindset I will
do the unspeakable, suicide , if I do not have surgery by my 60th birthday. I
have thought of this before … would I …. On day like today… not hell yes but
fuck yes …. I can see the pain of my past with such clarity that it is torture.(
balancing the hormones is so dangerous that .. there are no words)( on another note not so long ago i wrote a check for 10000.00 for surgery which i did not have but drew a line in the sand with a date..... in my mind very much like a suicide note because this would be a hard ceiling not too far out. that was so dangerous but later i realized what i did and so i tore up the check)
So I kept digging and digging
then I nearly collapsed then I put it together. What? Why when I was on helo
being lowered in high seas in the Indian ocean
during a storm and why I was not even nervous or when my daughter was drowning and I just reached
down when my ex panicked and pulled her to safety. Purely a reflex reaction
with no emotions evolved but to focus and complete the mission. Total marine
training from where I sit.
Then after this thought I saw
a pattern of reckless behavior over the decades including drinking and driving
and the thrill of being caught and once nearly fall out of the car door when I
was drunk. Still I kept drinking and today I thought why ? and what stopped it
all?
Until my daughter was born I
had nothing to lose!! No one wanted me , I hid my gender and buried myself in
working out or sales. Succeed in both areas above most people. I can push
through physical and emotional pain most people cannot imagine. I have nothing
to lose because everything was stolen from me in my childhood. ( I even walked
down dangerous streets overseas …. Form of suicide? to see if I could come out
alive) someone or god protected me and kept me alive but why?
I will .. I cannot go back ….
To my childhood, marines, college, sales or my daughter … the time is lost
forever and so am I !!! the first 50 yrs … I was a slave ….. I am sure others
feel the same but really that is how it is .. and to this day we are slaves to
people that refuse to allow us to live our lives.
I have no idea why god does
not take me ? I have asked him quite a bit lately please take me because …. It
would be far easier for me to fight in combat then embrace the emotional
pain of the last 50 yrs … there is no fix for this …. No one can help me as I
cryyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
My mood swings , if you wanna
classify as they, are so deep and low that there are no signals anymore … they
just happen!! I want to hate and make people pay but who ? what would be the
purpose? The time is lost forever and the people that could have done something
… did nothing just like Vietnam,
Iran
and Lebanon etc.
I am back to the place where
I started months ago….. why go on …. So I get a vagina and find a way to
embrace this hell for what? To live in isolation with so many lesbians? ( fyi a
news woman said what I have said and was blown away she admitted to …. The gay
rights were started by well educated and wealthier gay men … this is true )
But still few if any will
invite us to their BBQ with their families and this is the fundamental problem.
We not equal but a protected class of people and not human beings but tools of
politics. There is no upside in our life
at times …( at times we are still outsiders )
I truly thought in Portland that this city
was diff but I was so wrong again.
....got to protect the guilty and their privacy ...... advocating in a crisis has become a regular issue ...
I had to shut down
emotionally while in this meeting and push my deep pain between my legs to the
…. Could not do it completely today which is a first….. but I pushed and pushed
until......people who are paid to help have their own issues which make them unable to help you/me.
I am not the same person I
was in 2011 and the stress I can take is for only short intervals. I am sure I cannot survive around men in any program or the street. So right now I am fighting for my survival
and no one really cares so i have to advocate on my own. .... others do but the people getting paid lack
the ability to do so. As the military
would say I would be collateral damage and just a number … in political science
terms…. Acceptable losses but there is no more time for half measures at this
time in my life. either I go the distance so or I die emotionally or physically
….. I tell people this who are suppose to help me and …... ............ I am the plan and unless I find a deeper
strength then the day before I am dead.
Literally back to being death
roll with an alligator.
I am in a space that I never
thought existed while in my bedroom today.
At times when I am in my dream world my brain thinks there is a vagina
between my legs. And my dreams have
nothing to do with sex but about friends and most of all a woman where we have
a daughter that loves us both and her me.
All my worries about stepping
over the line with a bisexual woman are not valid. I want it all or none … a woman that loves me
and me alone as her friend and lover but more importantly her wife. to me it is
all about a relationship with god and a wife I have yet to find. This pain is
shared in the lesbian community day after day and night after night.
I have found a group where we
all say good morning and good night to each other. There are sexual pictures posted but the
responses are centered around the emotional needs that will we do not have and
once there is a partner your girlfriends on the net are still your only family
in so many cases. ( the age range is 20- have seen 70 yr old) from Australia, Canada
, Uk
and the states it is all the same …. Isolation and wanting to as I cry be loved
by others and find a partner to love us … something our families for the most
part never did. ( one post put up was about coming out ….. it ranged from a
response of mostly accepted to no one talks to us and the age of coming out was
from 12 and up . )
The studies and info on lack
of socialization, family and work is the same everywhere in this world. In fact
in Malta
I just read that kids born intersex … doctors are prohibited from doing sexual
assignment surgery at birth. It seems one step forward and ½ step back.
My story is unique because I share
with people outside my supposed subcultures of trans and lesbians. But the
commonality is the same in so many ways and age is irrelevant and part of world
is too.
But the more I am pushed
and the more I overcome the stronger the people that god sees hurt me make me even
stronger…… just like when I was kid… the harder you hit the more I want to put
you in your place….true in marines too
I want to live a life outside
pdx with my wife where there is no drama and I am just a member of the
community . possible?
I can tell you that living in portland if I was into men I would have so many boyfriends like so many others do. I
have to turn my back almost every time I go to town , like today, … the
harassment and unwanted looks and advances are like so many other women ………………
Also my muscles that did not
hurt in my back are back again. Loss of
muscle mass then regaining it for a short while was nice but the price of it
was not worth it to me. but the thick curly hair I had will never be again….. I
can min this all I want … I was validated by women from Hs, college, marines
and total strangers …. That loss was huge to me ……
My mother, aunt would make
fun of my long nails, hair …. ie. What does
your boss think of your long hair? Mom he does not care as long as I make sales
nor does he care about my pink tie or shirt. I picked sales because I could be
me more than behind a desk I think it was very purposeful.
Where is all of this going … I
am trying to hold on and each day it is a bit harder…… I wish the drugs would
make this thing fall off .. in my dreams….. I have no use for it nor did I( it is my penis)
In fact in 2009 when I brushed
my hair back like a woman does… I think today when I started enbrel and neurotoin
it started the process because my ex wife had left …. Nurture and nature were
taking the course of my teens… had erection issue then but to me non issue…… so
maybe none of this since 1999 was an accident and if so the process has taken
course over 15 plus yrs.
Thank u for allowing me to
share and holding me up …… helping me though this… as I have said before
without the .... of you as I cry… there would be no Rachel…………. my grandma
started it but without you today ….. I would be dead ……
Thank u and god bless
rachel
hidden societies transgender are pushed out and blamed for ie HI
http://www.buzzfeed.com/skarlan/this-photographer-is-traveling-the-globe-to-document-transge#.khkpkWrqj
how wide spread even in hidden societies people like me are pushed from the general population based on what?
how wide spread even in hidden societies people like me are pushed from the general population based on what?
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
what people really think of lesbians , not all but some that don't have the guts to say
link for facebook
http://distractify.com/pinar/children-avert-your-eyes/
http://distractify.com/pinar/children-avert-your-eyes/
Monday, April 6, 2015
feminine voice
hi
i came
upon this via a friend on fb who is a marine too..the video highlights
what i have thought for a while that with the voice comes the more
feminine mannerism just like makeup and dressing very nice lol. the
more feminine you feel the more it comes out in your gestures, body
language and everything about you. this has to transcend your
environment too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)