great video on what is intersex by intersex ...... so sad too

http://www.buzzfeed.com/lizzwarner/what-its-like-to-be-intersex#.ri4Ewgnwz

to have doctors based on their personal bias conduct surgeries is horrible !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

newest update on marine that killed a trans girl in philppines ......total bs ... he murdered her

i love to met this ass face to face , mr tough guy, he is sticking with the defense that " thought he would be raped" and went into a rage. sadly this is a legal defense in this country for a lesser charge in all states but Cali.  he is also getting special treatment because the marines are guarding him in a local jail. probably because the locals in jail would beat him to death. i know the culture and too many marines think they can get away with so much and sadly i have seen things, nothing like this , where the marines paid no price.

what should happen is what happened in Mombasa where a sailor killed a prostitute... he was hanged after our ship pulled out of port. this is not in any history book....... because of my job i did not live in a bubble in the marines..... i was very well versed on what was going on in the world of the military and the world.

just makes me sick to my stomach he may get off killing a girl that was exactly what he expected.... we knew and if we did not the local girls told us because they did  not want the " benny boys" taking their cut of the cash.  this is all bs and story spilled to get him off

http://www.advocate.com/transgender/2015/08/24/.VhZ-kGrNbDM.facebook

feminine mannerism in the marines, hormone testing, gender and sexual orientation questions to enlist in marines

being who i am I would have rather had it done at birth... but how do you know? i have only ever talked to 2 intersex on line..... and one in person..... nothing really developed that I could share because the conversations were very shallow at best so much so i cannot recall the contents of the conversations...

i was feminine enough in the marines a marine who detest me and my mannerisms said the marines should give me a hormone test!  dear god i was in fear that they marines  would actual do that so i looked at my medical records for the blood test and i would ask the doctors what each blood test was for? this happened on my first tour and i sought less medical help for there on out.  if they found out who i was i was dead bc i would have to go back to the hell of a home and Rachel would never be. this was a serious fear bc i knew i lied on the contract to enlist when i said male and i was not a homosexual ... questions on the actual contract...... reread when i had my medical and military records pulled for filing for disablity..... this goes back as i cry so far and deep ...... i saw this way... you see me as a male and i like females so in your eyes i am not lying...... your lies not mine is how i viewed all of this ..... god this was a nightmare for me

http://www.buzzfeed.com/azeenghorayshi/intersex-surgeries-human-rights-violation?bffblgbt&utm_term=4ldqphm#4ldqphm

my opinion of the trans comm and the lack of leadership and Caityln Jenner

outside the trans comm activist arena , even in Portland oregon, employers despite a college education discriminate and poverty is very much the core issue...... seems we are driven, like the rest of the glbt comm, to certain jobs. comes down to it do you want a Lesbian or trans woman as the face of your company...... the image of the trans in america is the core issue and Caityln has not helped in this arena..... i think finding human resources director who will work with an organization would be a huge help..... not to mention funding surgery... i am sure 1 percent of their annual budget would not make them less effective... the core issue there is that the trans comm and the rest of the organizations are driving for all to have access... that is great but in the mean time the overall suffering continues..... we have been sold out by the leadership or the lack of leadership in the comm.....

The reality is even the top surgeons who do srs who are transsexuals have sold us out.  i have heard horror stories from the two transsexuals who do the srs in the states. i mean Dr. Bowers who was taught by the pioneer of srs in the states charges 25,000.00 and for a srs with skin graft you are up to 27,500. so otherwise you have be rich or an insurance company has to pay for it.  i mean that is a lot of money and that does not include hotels, meals and loss of income which could last 2-6 mos or longer. the total cost of surgery is really unknown given so much. 

it would be far more cost effective to do what the Australia does and bring in Thailand doctors who are very experienced to train US doctors to do the surgery. There is no way i would allow a doctor who is inexperienced do my surgery. i have heard nightmares from EU where state funded surgery has ended in such things as patients with bags to urinate in bc of surgeries gone bad. 

I hope to one day , like next yr, do a skype feed of my surgery and after that set up an organization to fund other people that need the surgery. this situation should have never existed but it does.. how damn sad

voice surgery ifo ... do not recommend it!!! but there is the info and why voice coach is preferred

i have researched this extensively and the very best is in Korea since they implant a device that shortens your vocal chords without cutting the chords. however the people that do this surgery have only done 150 surgeries in the last 10 yrs. the track record is not there for me !!

i would recommend a good voice coach who is sensitive to changing your voice upwards!! because after the surgery , voice, one would have to do this anyhow to learn how to speak again due to the surgery or device implant.  the key is not to follow the info on the net or utube because what every voice coach has told me is you have to be very careful you do not damage your vocal folds by elevating your voice in pitch.

you need to find an anchor and gradually go up in range. i played trombone for 6 yrs and when you play the trombone in the higher octaves, without practicing etc, your lips get very fat and you cannot play the trombone for several days. unlike the trombone the voice has vocal fold that can be damaged and there is the possibility you can permanently damage your vocal folds and you can end up with a deeper voice. be smart and find a good voice coach and do not push it ... let your voice gradually work at the higher range.....

here is the info from the net ...... sharing but i do not recommend....... what if you cannot speak or the voice is deeper ; there is no data to support the surgery ..... but at the end of the day it is is everyone's choice just like srs



There are several types of voice feminization techniques, Crico-Thyroid Approximation (CTA), Laser Assisted Voice Adjustment (LAVA), Vocal Cord Shortening (Anterior Web Creation), Thyroid Cartilage and Vocal Cord Reduction and Laryngoplasty. All procedures are designed to make a genetic Male’s voice box smaller and vocal cords shorter in an attempt to raise the comfortable speaking pitch.
The characteristic pitch or fundamental frequency (F0) of the male voice ranges from about 100 to 150 Hz; for the female voice, F0 ranges from 170 to 220 Hz. By reducing the voice box, these procedures can increase the pitch of the voice. Another distinctive characteristic of the voice is resonance. The timbre or resonance of the male voice is deeper than females, this is due to the greater length of the male upper airway. Currently there is no procedure to help modify the resonant character of the voice, however altering the fundamental frequency is the more important factor.

http://professionalvoice.org/feminization.aspx

The average female speaking fundamental frequency is right around middle "C" on a piano (the normal range is within the pink arrows). The average male SFF is in a range about an octave lower than female, within the blue arrows in the picture. An octave is 12 notes on the piano (including the black keys!).

Three types of voice surgery ….

http://www.fauquierent.net/voicesurgery.htm

 

my pumps, air flow, hormones and thoughts of suicide ...... it is a constant battle

so for the first time since 2012 i started to wear my pumps in the house , Spanish heels, and something happened i never realized so long ago . because of my flat feet or whatever the pumps make me stand up straight , my back esp, and the result is i have more air flow, like yoga, which means i can feel the cool air going through my nasal cavity. this in turn pumps up the volume on the progesterone , estrone? and this could explain the feeling of feeling high on hormones ....

the problem is i am aware all the time this thing is between my legs ...... i am in so much pain whereas before i was just had a high feeling. i know the why now and it is scary to know this is the pain i felt 40 plus yrs ago. 

so yrs ago the combo of my father teaching me to sit up straight , breathing techniques of a boxer , the natural food maxed out  the estrogen in my body , if not what was it then?  i feel the same as i was in my teens and even in the marines. ( my gunny told me that the chow hall food was bad for me and when i went to the field on exercises... my eyes were cleared up in days.( had major dry eye caused by unbalanced hormoens(... but Rachel came out and my mannerisms were but feminine and how i moved my hips and other marines saw this ... not good ......

but the pumps validate me as being sexy so there is many things they do but the air flow is critical ...... when depressed one breaths diff and through the chest ...... panic attacks and stress do this.... what might have put this all in play is instead of playing the violin i had to play a wind instrument , the trombone, this probably was huge in a time when i needed what god ordered for me

so today , the pumps, the singing, the make up and dress , people around me and all the other things i have shared enabled me to go back and pick up the pieces and learn why. i have not felt this much pain in yrs and joy ..... i am in deep trouble and i have no idea what to do ... i am terrified of surgery esp watching a tv show last night when a woman had a tummy tuck and there is a side affect of all plastic surgery ..... flesh eating bacteria/virus...... wow that hit home too...... the end result because of the lack of access to follow up care was two huge holes in her stomach... so much can go wrong .... i do not want the surgery but i need it medically...... the risk is so high but i have no choice to but to walk through the door......

to say that i cannot be the girl on special victims unit .... trans girl cut her wrist ....... that could be me ..... make no doubt it is suicide .... it has to be on the table so i can min the chances of it .. but the longer i am on hormones wo surgery the close i am to suicide ..... the pain is so deep and like i told ..... i am one of the few that will tell you i am going through thoughts of suicide.....

the lies bury too many and i think that is why i am so outspoken too... nearly did me in too many times

i have fought this same battle as a teen but now i have to figure out how to get the surgery.... the pain is real and deep in my own apt now.... god help me

interview with state agency and thoughts of sucide followed

i am in tears.... went through suicide thoughts ..... then i saw a young girl at the unemployment , where i was interviewed for internship,  and thought i never will be able to be and experience  what she is at 20's ... then this the interview

the female interviewer  ask me if i was transgender at xerox, did they know about you in the marines?  you know we have trans people that come in here and some people move away from them and so do not......i told her i heard and your name is rachel"? so i can handle it and she said " they heard the male voice.
 

to side me and my qualifications she used the fact that i cannot stand for 4 straight hours vs accommodating mr

it was the worse interview and over 80 percent was about my gender... then the rest was covering up .... she ended the interview and when i was in the waiting room came back to me then gave me a tour ..... etc

what it is really like on the front lines ...... file a complaint? hell i would be filing complaints all day long...... you cannot compel people to be compassionate and caring..... this was a horrible day