First I will start with a story about me and pull open the door into the transsexual community and then illustrate how " deep conversations" are needed for a better understanding by all.
I started hormones last August and started with 2 mg per day which was upped to 4 mg a day by October. This is when real changes in everything began to happen at a pace that no one has ever talked about that I am aware of. At the very core I had convinced myself that sexual reassignment was not necessary and it was not a issue if I never had sexual reassignment surgery. When you catch yourself saying, " it is not that bad." There is a problem and a big one and often abused women will say, "it is not that bad." When I made that connection that there was a real problem then I realized I was in big trouble.
Then, I had to acknowledge that what was between my legs did not match my head brain as my daughter would say. That was her language for the brain. The matter how much I make light of it ; it is a serious damn problem. But, at that point in time, I lost emotional control and started to cry uncontrollably and it was worse then I had ever experienced. I believe at that time my emotions had complete control of my body and mind. I was almost in "fight or flight" mode. I felt like everything was out of control. I had never felt like this in my life. Is this not important to have deep conversation about? coming on we are adults and the time is now for deep conversations for a better understand by all in society.
I, then said to myself, "what has god done to me ....?" I cried even harder and then harder and collapsed on my bed and again said it again. Then I had thoughts of auto castration (fancy word for thought of cutting my penis off) but as fast as that thought came into my head I said this to myself "what would that solve?" The answer was nothing and then I reached out to a counselor who helped me calm down and I felt this emptiness that there was nothing I could do about it but cutting my penis was not an option.
The question is why did I not cut my penis when this often happens within the transgendered community. The answered laid in two and half years of dialectal behavior therapy and the positive attitude of zig ziglar training which I had done for 20 years.
In one of my darkest hours, as ziglar would say, I grabbed the right straw because I had worked on problem solving for years and years. I also was able to stay in the moment innately using DBT skills I had learned years ago. I literally synthesized zig ziglar positive attitude and DBT skills in a spilt second when I needed them the most and it really worked. This is not a typical case from my understanding of the transgendered community but it was my experience. I do think what if .. I was in my 20's what would the results have been?
This is tough topic to discuss but one that needs talked about especially how I was able to overcome such an intense emotional issue in a split second. I am sure there are other ways but this worked for me and consider myself blessed for not going through cutting my penis. Am I one of lucky ones? we don't know because no one is really talking so how can anyone know in the transgendered community or let alone a doctor that is treating the community?
Another tough topic is the rise of sexual assaults from veterans coming home and the rise of sexual assaults in society as a whole. No one wants to talk about the issues but perhaps we should do like some do and if we say nothing there is not problem? I think not.
According to AP news in the army a sex crimes happens every six hours . Some might say well that does not affect me but this stat does ..there has been a 90 percent increase in sex crimes in the united states doing the period between 2006-2011. So this is not a veteran issue but a societal issue. These are disturbing trends which affect all of us and this is well beyond the GLBT community.
What is also of great concern is that people with PTSD, returning from a combat zone, are either non sexual or hyper sexual. What to do about it ? I not an expert in Psychology but I can tell you that trying to put it in the "closet" is not a good idea. I can tell you what happens from my experience when you put things in the "closet." They do not go away and get bigger and bigger until you cannot control the beast. Let's take action now, please.
What we need both inside and outside the transgendered and GLBT community is open conversation but when is the right time? I think we have waited long enough and I hope I have been able to shed some light on the transgendered community and the serious trends of sex crimes. In both cases, we will need ongoing deep meaningful conversation to start and the time is now.
Please feel free speak up about these important topic and if I know where to send you for further information I will provide the information. If I don't I will find out. Please lets all start the conversation.
I am also open to suggestion on how to best handle these deep issues that society is challenged by and would like to post suggestion on this blog too.
thank you
Rachel
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