First I will start with a story about me and pull open the door into the transsexual community and then illustrate how " deep conversations" are needed for a better understanding by all.
I started hormones last August and started with 2 mg per day which was upped to 4 mg a day by October. This is when real changes in everything began to happen at a pace that no one has ever talked about that I am aware of. At the very core I had convinced myself that sexual reassignment was not necessary and it was not a issue if I never had sexual reassignment surgery. When you catch yourself saying, " it is not that bad." There is a problem and a big one and often abused women will say, "it is not that bad." When I made that connection that there was a real problem then I realized I was in big trouble.
Then, I had to acknowledge that what was between my legs did not match my head brain as my daughter would say. That was her language for the brain. The matter how much I make light of it ; it is a serious damn problem. But, at that point in time, I lost emotional control and started to cry uncontrollably and it was worse then I had ever experienced. I believe at that time my emotions had complete control of my body and mind. I was almost in "fight or flight" mode. I felt like everything was out of control. I had never felt like this in my life. Is this not important to have deep conversation about? coming on we are adults and the time is now for deep conversations for a better understand by all in society.
I, then said to myself, "what has god done to me ....?" I cried even harder and then harder and collapsed on my bed and again said it again. Then I had thoughts of auto castration (fancy word for thought of cutting my penis off) but as fast as that thought came into my head I said this to myself "what would that solve?" The answer was nothing and then I reached out to a counselor who helped me calm down and I felt this emptiness that there was nothing I could do about it but cutting my penis was not an option.
The question is why did I not cut my penis when this often happens within the transgendered community. The answered laid in two and half years of dialectal behavior therapy and the positive attitude of zig ziglar training which I had done for 20 years.
In one of my darkest hours, as ziglar would say, I grabbed the right straw because I had worked on problem solving for years and years. I also was able to stay in the moment innately using DBT skills I had learned years ago. I literally synthesized zig ziglar positive attitude and DBT skills in a spilt second when I needed them the most and it really worked. This is not a typical case from my understanding of the transgendered community but it was my experience. I do think what if .. I was in my 20's what would the results have been?
This is tough topic to discuss but one that needs talked about especially how I was able to overcome such an intense emotional issue in a split second. I am sure there are other ways but this worked for me and consider myself blessed for not going through cutting my penis. Am I one of lucky ones? we don't know because no one is really talking so how can anyone know in the transgendered community or let alone a doctor that is treating the community?
Another tough topic is the rise of sexual assaults from veterans coming home and the rise of sexual assaults in society as a whole. No one wants to talk about the issues but perhaps we should do like some do and if we say nothing there is not problem? I think not.
According to AP news in the army a sex crimes happens every six hours . Some might say well that does not affect me but this stat does ..there has been a 90 percent increase in sex crimes in the united states doing the period between 2006-2011. So this is not a veteran issue but a societal issue. These are disturbing trends which affect all of us and this is well beyond the GLBT community.
What is also of great concern is that people with PTSD, returning from a combat zone, are either non sexual or hyper sexual. What to do about it ? I not an expert in Psychology but I can tell you that trying to put it in the "closet" is not a good idea. I can tell you what happens from my experience when you put things in the "closet." They do not go away and get bigger and bigger until you cannot control the beast. Let's take action now, please.
What we need both inside and outside the transgendered and GLBT community is open conversation but when is the right time? I think we have waited long enough and I hope I have been able to shed some light on the transgendered community and the serious trends of sex crimes. In both cases, we will need ongoing deep meaningful conversation to start and the time is now.
Please feel free speak up about these important topic and if I know where to send you for further information I will provide the information. If I don't I will find out. Please lets all start the conversation.
I am also open to suggestion on how to best handle these deep issues that society is challenged by and would like to post suggestion on this blog too.
thank you
Rachel
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Joan De' Arc and other role models
Joan De Arc ( Joan of arc) (role model for the ages)
Martyr; One who makes great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle
Peasant
Mission First (Save France)
Move Forward Now
Difficult; In the way; clear the way; therefore perceived Arrogant
Unbreakable Spirit
Easy Target
Risked everything to archive Goals
Quotes from other role Models:
"Rarely, do well-behaved women make history"
" I'm just doing my part."
"we take care of our own."
To understand me is to understand my "unshakable drive" to succeed where others fail. I have perfected this unshakable drive over the past half a century. This drive is ever more present in the core values of the Marine Corps to never, never quit. It is acceptable to fail, fail and fail again but you can never quit. My beliefs are also tied in with the Zig Ziglar school of thought that every no is one step closer to a yes. So, I believe that goals are the end result of past failures that you overcame.
This drive has enabled me to succeed in my life in many facets which included my gender, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Marine Corps boot camp or graduating from Penn State University. I am not the smartest in the class but I never , never quit and work at it until I find a way to succeed.
In 1997, rheumatoid arthritis crippled my body to the point I could barely walk and my young daughter had help me open jars,etc. Overtime, I battled back and was able to walk then last year when I was put on estrogen the flood gates opened up and I began to exercise. Today, I can run 6 miles in 62 minutes which rivals my best time when I was in the marines at 19 years old. It took thirty years to accomplish that feat but I never quit.
For nearly 50 years I failed at my gender but I seized every opportunity when it presented itself and kicked the door down. Each failure over 50 years was edging me one step closer to my goal and finally at the age of 52, "voila", Rachel. I simply never quit; there is always a way to achieve your goals you just have to be persistent and never give up.
What does Joan De'Arc have to do with me? She started it all for me. In ninth grade, I was taking a French Class and mademoiselle McCormick was teaching a section on french culture. I did not realize until recently just how big an impact the classes on Joan De'Arc had on me. She had become my role model and myself coming from a "strict" catholic family I could never have a female role model so subconsciously I keep this to myself all these years. Thus, I saw a drive in a woman that no one could destroy and I needed this very drive to become who I am today. She truly is a role model for the ages. As "don" I was a merely a follower but as "rachel" I am fearless, driven and may be perceived as arrogant.
Now, I am but a messenger, and will become a visible face to the public in my struggle to get my story out. But, the women that have come before me have made this possible and I want to acknowledge their sacrifices . I have realized in the last year that without women before me there would not be a Rachel. Because of women before me I have been empowered and have a voice and this made a critical difference in life. This is also the main reason I feel compelled to give back to society because so much has been given to me.
I also would like to thank the women who have worked with me and continue to work with me and have placed their trust in me to achieve our goals. I, like all others, want to be part of something big and to accomplish the big goals it takes a group of people. I will give more details about this in later blogs.
I understand it is now time for me to do my part. My part is telling my story which is about me but my journey was started not because my story is about "rachel," nor the transgendered community but about all veterans so other wise everyone in society. Because veterans are a cross section of society.
Now I will discuss sexuality and how my sexuality is related to society's issues of sexuality.
thank you
Rachel
Martyr; One who makes great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle
Peasant
Mission First (Save France)
Move Forward Now
Difficult; In the way; clear the way; therefore perceived Arrogant
Unbreakable Spirit
Easy Target
Risked everything to archive Goals
Quotes from other role Models:
"Rarely, do well-behaved women make history"
" I'm just doing my part."
"we take care of our own."
To understand me is to understand my "unshakable drive" to succeed where others fail. I have perfected this unshakable drive over the past half a century. This drive is ever more present in the core values of the Marine Corps to never, never quit. It is acceptable to fail, fail and fail again but you can never quit. My beliefs are also tied in with the Zig Ziglar school of thought that every no is one step closer to a yes. So, I believe that goals are the end result of past failures that you overcame.
This drive has enabled me to succeed in my life in many facets which included my gender, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Marine Corps boot camp or graduating from Penn State University. I am not the smartest in the class but I never , never quit and work at it until I find a way to succeed.
In 1997, rheumatoid arthritis crippled my body to the point I could barely walk and my young daughter had help me open jars,etc. Overtime, I battled back and was able to walk then last year when I was put on estrogen the flood gates opened up and I began to exercise. Today, I can run 6 miles in 62 minutes which rivals my best time when I was in the marines at 19 years old. It took thirty years to accomplish that feat but I never quit.
For nearly 50 years I failed at my gender but I seized every opportunity when it presented itself and kicked the door down. Each failure over 50 years was edging me one step closer to my goal and finally at the age of 52, "voila", Rachel. I simply never quit; there is always a way to achieve your goals you just have to be persistent and never give up.
What does Joan De'Arc have to do with me? She started it all for me. In ninth grade, I was taking a French Class and mademoiselle McCormick was teaching a section on french culture. I did not realize until recently just how big an impact the classes on Joan De'Arc had on me. She had become my role model and myself coming from a "strict" catholic family I could never have a female role model so subconsciously I keep this to myself all these years. Thus, I saw a drive in a woman that no one could destroy and I needed this very drive to become who I am today. She truly is a role model for the ages. As "don" I was a merely a follower but as "rachel" I am fearless, driven and may be perceived as arrogant.
Now, I am but a messenger, and will become a visible face to the public in my struggle to get my story out. But, the women that have come before me have made this possible and I want to acknowledge their sacrifices . I have realized in the last year that without women before me there would not be a Rachel. Because of women before me I have been empowered and have a voice and this made a critical difference in life. This is also the main reason I feel compelled to give back to society because so much has been given to me.
I also would like to thank the women who have worked with me and continue to work with me and have placed their trust in me to achieve our goals. I, like all others, want to be part of something big and to accomplish the big goals it takes a group of people. I will give more details about this in later blogs.
I understand it is now time for me to do my part. My part is telling my story which is about me but my journey was started not because my story is about "rachel," nor the transgendered community but about all veterans so other wise everyone in society. Because veterans are a cross section of society.
Now I will discuss sexuality and how my sexuality is related to society's issues of sexuality.
thank you
Rachel
Transsexual wall of secrecy
I have finally acknowledged the fact that it is
my vision and mission to open up the world of secrecy of the
transgendered/transsexual Community. Until now, I did not realize I had
the strength, character and heart to be so bold and brave. How did I get to this point and decide that the benefits out weigh the risks? I will try to explain that in the upcoming blogs and welcome questions to my blogs. I will do my best to answer all questions honestly and thoroughly.
I have also learned that the doctors do not know how to treat me because, as a whole, the transsexual community has decided what the doctors need to know. So, let me get this straight, the doctors and therapists don't know how to treat the transsexual community and additionally the transsexual community will not talk to each other. So, how would any doctor know how to treat any patient????? If I was a cancer patient I would be dead. This line of thinking has to change and the time is now.
In my blog this weekend I will open up the world of secrecy of the Transsexual Community to share with others the challenges are immense. How a woman like me can overcome insurmountable odds and thrive where others fail. It is my strong held belief that I intuitively knew when to step out and become the woman I always was and now I know it is time to speak up and share my story. I will never educate the public but only share my story, experiences and build a bridge between the transsexual community, the public and the doctors that prescribe the hormones.
Also, the portrayal of transsexuals as serial killers in shows like criminal minds has reinforced this image which has resulted in stereotyping of the entire transsexual community. So, since no one is talking, and no one wants to step forward to lead, the public has only the media to rely on to form an opinion of an entire subculture. My goal is to change this image of the transsexual community. The starting point will be me and now.
However, no transsexual wants to talk about the tough heart wrenching topics which challenge a transsexual. I will tackle this head on in my blog. I will start with who I am and quickly progress to sexual orientation, masturbation, and how this is all connected to other veterans returning from combat zones. This issue goes well beyond veterans since veterans represent a "cross section" of society.
I am in a surreal situation where I never saw myself in a leadership role. I was the follower who became a defacto leader because no one else seems willing to step forward and lead. But as my mother would say, "enough is enough... now go to your room. lol... I think you get my point enough is enough and I will open up "pandora's Box."
The next blog will detail who is Rachel Reid?
thank you,
Rachel
I have also learned that the doctors do not know how to treat me because, as a whole, the transsexual community has decided what the doctors need to know. So, let me get this straight, the doctors and therapists don't know how to treat the transsexual community and additionally the transsexual community will not talk to each other. So, how would any doctor know how to treat any patient????? If I was a cancer patient I would be dead. This line of thinking has to change and the time is now.
In my blog this weekend I will open up the world of secrecy of the Transsexual Community to share with others the challenges are immense. How a woman like me can overcome insurmountable odds and thrive where others fail. It is my strong held belief that I intuitively knew when to step out and become the woman I always was and now I know it is time to speak up and share my story. I will never educate the public but only share my story, experiences and build a bridge between the transsexual community, the public and the doctors that prescribe the hormones.
Also, the portrayal of transsexuals as serial killers in shows like criminal minds has reinforced this image which has resulted in stereotyping of the entire transsexual community. So, since no one is talking, and no one wants to step forward to lead, the public has only the media to rely on to form an opinion of an entire subculture. My goal is to change this image of the transsexual community. The starting point will be me and now.
However, no transsexual wants to talk about the tough heart wrenching topics which challenge a transsexual. I will tackle this head on in my blog. I will start with who I am and quickly progress to sexual orientation, masturbation, and how this is all connected to other veterans returning from combat zones. This issue goes well beyond veterans since veterans represent a "cross section" of society.
I am in a surreal situation where I never saw myself in a leadership role. I was the follower who became a defacto leader because no one else seems willing to step forward and lead. But as my mother would say, "enough is enough... now go to your room. lol... I think you get my point enough is enough and I will open up "pandora's Box."
The next blog will detail who is Rachel Reid?
thank you,
Rachel
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